We run into people, we meet, we are friends, we are lovers, we break up, we are falling apart, we lose ourselves…and one day we wake up and we realise we simply moved on. The feelings are still here, but we made up our mind over night and we decided to move on, just like that. Not because you do not love him anymore, but because there is no way things would go back to how they have been.
„I don’t understand how you said you loved him a week ago yet now you’re talking about liking some other guy-”
I snapped, “It still hurts! Okay? Everything about him, it hurts so much and it won’t stop!
It still hurts every time I hear his name.
It still hurts when I hear his favorite song on the radio.
It hurts when I run past pictures of him on my phone.
It hurts when I see his name on my phone, filled with our old messages.
It hurts when I think of Valentine’s Day with him.
It hurts when I see his best friends on the streets or walk past his sister at the store.
It hurts when I look at the drawings he gave me.
It fucking hurts when I think about him, for fuck sakes.
How could you say I don’t love him anymore? I do, I do, I fucking do. And I can’t ever think of loving someone the way I love him.
But if he can smile and go out and meet girls and listen to love songs without feeling something thick in his throat and he can kiss other girls without even thinking of how I feel, why the hell can’t I do the same, huh?
This new guy, he makes me smile and he makes me laugh. But he will never be able to compare to him. He will never be him. But I need to learn to smile again. Don’t I deserve that?”
„I didn’t mean it like that-”
„Don’t you ever say I don’t fucking love him because that’s all I’ve done for the past months. I’ve loved him and he didn’t love me, okay? And I need to be okay with it. I want to love someone else. I’m so tired…”
She was quiet for a long time before coming to hug me, “I’m so sorry.”
„Yeah, so am I.”